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Greetings, net surfers!
Whether by accident or design, you have stumbled into a strange little annex of pop culture -- an outpost of musical and visual mayhem as exhilarating as the roar of a finely-tuned Shelby Cobra tearing off the starting line, as stirring as the sight of noon-day sun filtered through a breaking North Shore wave, and as mysterious as desire itself.

Yes, you have stumbled into The World of The Penetrators: agents of The Southern Surf Syndicate on a mission to win the hearts and minds of unsuspecting civilians around the globe to that most glorious and musically pure genre of rock & roll: full-bore, reverb-drenched instrumental surf music.

Wow. Pretty lofty goals for a bunch of Alabama boys with a taste for scotch whiskey, Fender guitars and blondes with credit cards. Brought together through the Southern Surf Syndicate (S3 -- pronounced "S-Cubed" for short), an organization of clear-headed, strong-jawed individuals who work through both covert and overt tactical means to their strategic goal of turning modern pop-culture on its head, the agents are well-trained and well-motivated. With Rip Thrillby on lead guitar, Trace Luger on bass, Illya "Stix" Stechkin on drums and Spanky "Crazy Legs" Twangler on rhythm guitar, The Penetrators face the world as early-sixties men trapped in a mid-nineties world, but with two secret weapons: charisma and good taste.

And look at what they're up against: the insidious effects of a hitherto secret collusion of evil-minded culture-vampires known as G.R.E.M.M.I.E., The Global Resistance to Eliminate Manly Music's Influence Eternally. G.R.E.M.M.I.E.'s goal is to beat the average music fan into cold, naked submission through a constant barrage of sour-souled propaganda that makes consumers buy, buy, BUY whatever brain-damaging G.R.E.M.M.I.E.-approved garbage comes over the transom, ensuring further submission and continued prosperity for their nefarious schemes.

G.R.E.M.M.I.E.'s vile tentacles have a chokehold on all entrenched, centralized media outlets -- every day of the week radio, TV, and magazines spew a fetid stream of pasty-skinned bands inflicting their neuroses and bad hygiene on action-starved teens innocently seeking nothing more than a good time, raising whining, self-pity, atonal screeching and just plain lousy song-writing to the level of "art."

Huh. Well, The Penetrators are not whiners, and they have excellent hygiene. (They wear damn sharp-looking threads, too.) And most of all, call them a lot of things, but never, ever, "artists." Artists are "deep"... "misunderstood"... full of "fragile emotions." In contrast, The Penetrators are shallow and easy to understand, and have brains filled with thoughts as durable as Hunter Thompson's liver.

What it really all boils down to is one guiding principle: fun. Remember that? Rock & roll was never supposed to be a bummer. And through the work of The Penetrators and several other bands you'll hear about on this site, rock & roll is anything BUT a bummer -- in fact, you might use words like "exuberant" or "raucous" or "jubilant" or even, gulp, "beautiful." No kidding!

So, once again, welcome to The Amazing and Dangerous World of The Penetrators. Here on the World Wide Web, G.R.E.M.M.I.E. has no monopoly, though brother, they're trying -- and it is that freedom from the tyranny of conformity that allows us to bring you these sights and sounds. So kick back, pop the top on your beverage of choice, and explore the site -- you just might leave a happier person.

Best reverbs,
Simon
Director of Operations
Southern Surf Syndicate Headquarters
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